Letting Go of Guilt
One thing we can be sure of is there is nothing we can do to change the past but negative memories are there to help us make a better future. Life is all about making decisions and taking risks and remembering what doesn’t work is vital in our attempt to find out what does. Any successful person will tell you that to achieve success you have to experience failure. Life can be tough but unless you accept, learn and move on it will never get any better.
Ask Yourself Are You Being Realistic?
Life doesn’t run smoothly and if you imagine it will then your life will always be full of remorse. Ignoring the presence of negative issues on the grounds that in a perfect world they should not be there will only add to your guilt. Relationships with family and friends are often full of guilt but often this is because we do not look at the reality of the relationship. For example we want to have the perfect parents, partner, family or friends but in reality is this the case. For example you may have always had a difficult relationship with your mother because she has always criticized and shown little affection but you feel guilty about not wanting to see her and she makes you feel guilty by reminding you of the fact that you never go to see her. If she had been a wonderful mother, you would want to see her all the time. If you are unrealistic about your relationship then you will be always hoping she will change, constantly disappointed because she doesn’t and guilty because you feel like that. But if you accept the reality of the situation, then you can feel more justified in the way you feel and be more tolerant of the way she behaves. Accepting they are always like this or say that will help you understand that in fact it is not guilt you feel but sadness that you have not got the relationship you would like.
If You Feel Guilty - Take Action!
If it is a situation that has lead to your guilt then think back to the situation that made you feel guilty now realistically look at the situation you were in at the time, how much you knew, your environmental circumstances, your state of health and ask yourself in those circumstances could you have done things any better. If it is a person that is making you feel guilty then don’t take their word for it, ask yourself if they are being reasonable. People with their own insecurities are very good at making others feel guilty for not being there or doing things but are their statements that justified? Perfection is almost an impossibility so don’t expect it. Accept and work with the imperfections rather than pretending they don’t exist. You can always learn something from any negative situation, it will help you focus on what really is achievable and make the most of what you have. Measure achievements by how well you cope under normal less than perfect circumstances and acknowledge the fact you have got this far. Accept, learn, act and move on. Doing nothing, does nothing for you.
Letting Go of the Past
Demanding and difficult memories can dominate your mind even if they are unimportant and this leads to constant fear, anxiety, dissatisfaction, guilt and neglect of things we love but honestly which is the most important, focusing on things that will make you life good now and in the future or spending your time feeling bad about the past? We often dwell on the past because we are doing nothing to improve our future. All we can see is more of the same stress and anxiety. To get rid of past guilt we need to occupy our minds with future thinking which means we have to make time to make good things happened. Unfortunately it is so easy for our lives to become dominate by dull, boring chores and duties and we feel guilty about taking time out to rest, restore and enjoy but experiencing pleasure and satisfaction is the most fundamental requirement of good health and wellbeing. Our body was designed to experience positive stimulation to motivate us to survive in a difficult and dangerous world and neglecting it will leave you feeling tired and miserable. So make time to take time out, socialize, achieve goals and resolve emotional issues because in the grand scheme of things these are much more important than wasting emotional energy on past events. Just setting aside a afternoon or even an hour to think things through, make plans, relax or just do something for the fun of it will make your world a less guilty place.
Prioritise - Is Your Guilt Worth Worrying About?
Demanding and difficult memories dominate but are they really worth remembering.Imagine you only have 48 hours left on this planet, what would you do, with how? Will you be finally doing that big pile of ironing or going into the office, no you will be too busy making the most of what you have now.
Get Over An Argument
Guilt is a horrible feeling but it does serve a very positive purpose. It enables us to learn tolerance, understanding and consideration, all things we need to enable us to get on in society. If we didn’t feel guilt it would be hard for us to feel love and affection so to use your guilt in a positive way you need to address why you feel it. If there is conflict, guilt after the event can be used to resolve the area of disagreement. Does you guilt come from the way you handled the situation, what you said or when you said it? If so then you need to look at how you can approach the subject in a more agreeable way. Firstly you need to look at things from the other persons point of view – how would you react if you were in their shoes?Secondly you need to address if it is some underlying issue that is causing the conflict and not the things you argued about – people want to feel loved and respected – if you made them feel small or unloved, this could be an ongoing problem that leads to constant disagreement.
TryNever say no, people see this as rejection. Say you would like to help/ chat etc but not now then follow up by setting a time/date which suits you. This shows you care. Always start a conversation with a positive statement or complement. If there is conflict expressing a positive first will help diffuse the situation, for example I love the way you always ….. but I am unhappy about….. This show you have respect for them.If there is something about them that constantly causes conflict for example – they are always moaning, state the complaint by ask them if everything all right because it is not like you to be so negative. This will enable them to tell you the real reason why they are unhappy.
Finally, rehearse what you would like to say in a calm and rational way and book in a time that suits you both. By acting on your guilt you can actually strengthen relationships and discover who really cares about you so you cut your losses and invest in a few good relationships rather than trying to please everyone.