Be Worry Free!
The worrying thing about worry is you can always find something to worry about if you really put your mind to it. The worry response starts from the day we are born, we worry about being fed and loved, then move from acne, food and lust to careers, mortgages, kids, eating too much and being neglected. Eventually it dawns on us that most of the sleepless nights and miserable days of worry we have put ourselves through were a complete waste of valuable living time. But rather than using this realization to develop a more laid-back attitude we pile on further worry through guilt of squandered hours and bad life choices.
I remember some years ago having a multiple moan conversation with my husband on the usual worry culprits, money, work, the builders, etc. The following day we had a serious car accident and I spent the night in agony listening to my husband painfully screaming in the hospital bed next to me. I am still unable to recall what had been worrying me and why as from then on it no longer mattered. In fact studies indicate you can only worry about a maximum of three things at any time so if you are going through a divorce, redundancy and moving house you can at least relieve yourself of the worry of next doors cat, your inability to get fit or your sisters, step-sons, girlfriends mother.
But worry at any level is worth taking seriously as it plays a vital part in our survival. Worry acts as an early warning sign that something is wrong, giving you time to act before it turns into a major emergency. It encourages us to improve our situation and socially interact. Without it we would be inconsiderate, uncaring and unpopular. Research on people in high risk careers such as extreme sports and city traders have demonstrated a reduced ability to worry about others which is why they could be so good at coming first. Unfortunately it doesn’t necessarily make then very nice or interesting.
Worry also sets an emotional bench mark which helps you differentiate between good and bad and without worry you would never get that wonderful endorphin buzz when you achieve success or overcome a problem. The problem with worry is it is so subjective, determined by our environment, genes, levels of confidence and self esteem.
Worry itself can become the worry, even when a worry is resolved we can adopt a brooding secondary worry, dwelling or feeling guilty about past actions until it completely overpowers our though processes. Women in particular are more influenced by what other people think and this can make it hard to let go of past worries even when they are no longer relevant. We find it harder to isolate and depersonalise specific worries, find the reason, divert the mind and let go. We are also more likely to think if there is a problem – we must be to blame.
Accepting that worry is all part of our natural coping process, designed to kickstart thinking process into a resolution is the most positive way of working with worry. There is no such thing as life without worry but this does not mean we need to worry about that all the time.
WORRY CURESPRIORITISE YOUR WORRY – rather than treating all worries with the same level of importance set a worry benchmark. A real worry is anything that is life threatening to either you, those you love or will leave you emotionally or financially abandoned. Everything else should be put into a sliding scale of categories ranging from some concern to minor irritation and then responded to accordingly.
THINK - It’s a worry but its not the end of the world, I am still healthy, in love, have money. Big worries are dominating but is your son’s girlfriend troubles really worth high anxiety 24/7?
CALCULATE THE RISK – Worry is designed to highlight the potential risk of something bad happening if you keep doing what you are doing. I know it appears that every self-help guru wants you to relentlessly think positively but when calculating risk it is actually better to address potential worse case scenarios than try and avoid them with a smile on your face. If bad things are unlikely to happen, you can dump the worry early on and if they are likely, at least you can be prepared.
THINK - what is the worst thing that can happen and how likely is it? You will find that most worries fall into the not a lot, unlikely category.
BE REALISTIC – Beware of being an overoptimistic perfectionist. Society today has extremely high expectations. We want it all, we want it now and it all has to be perfect. Life doesn’t run smoothly and if you imagine it will then your life will always be full of worry. Ignoring the presence of negative issues on the grounds that in a perfect world they should not be there will only add to your anxiety. Similarly, setting unrealistic goals that exceed your abilities, family and financial limitations will make everyday a worry waiting to happen.
THINK - how well you have coped under normal less than perfect circumstances and acknowledge the fact you have got this far. Accept bad things happen and move on.
LESS ANALYSIS MORE ACTION – The mechanics of worry work like this – You tell your brain you are concerned about something.Your mind then presents you with possible scenarios about what would happen if you ignore it. You worry.This should motivate you to take positive action but you worry about what to do and do nothing. As you are doing nothing the problem is still there your brain keeps reminding you. You keep busy and can’t relaxing because every time you try to rest your mind fills with worry. Unfortunately the longer you leave it the more you are reminded until worry takes over your whole thought process. You can’t sleep, socialise or feel good about yourself giving your mind another good reason to worry.
THINK - Inaction generates the biggest cause of worry, if you are concerned about acting remember deciding to do nothing is still a decision so imagine what could happen if you do nothing.
FOLLOW A PLAN – There are endless reasons to worry but managing worry effectively generally follows a formula. Whatever your worry an effective plan of action will give you control, understanding and acceptance. A good plan includes isolating the problem, accepting what you can’t change, look at what is achievable and breaking it down into small manageable steps.
THINK – think of what you can do rather than what you can’t, any action, no matter how small will still help.
DUMP PAST WORRIES – Working through worries can be heart breaking and exhausting especially when the results are negative. Learning to accept and move on will help limit the effects of secondary worries from anger, regret and guilt. There is nothing you can do to change the past but by setting yourself a positive goal for the future you can take the situation you are in now and make it better.
THINK – use your experience of past worries to help you overcome more effectively any future ones.
STOP A WORRY POLLUTING YOUR LIFE – one worry in one area of your life can really pollute the happiness of the rest of it. For example, if you have a work problem it can spoil a happy home, friendships and your health until everything becomes a problem. Focus on what is good in your life and divert your mind with pleasure and satisfaction. Make time to take time out, socialize and achieve goals because in the grand scheme of things these are much more important than worrying about a difficult work colleague or the cash point machine eating your card.
THINK – plan in a weekly me afternoon or even an hour will make your world a less worrying place.
LOOK AFTER YOURSELF – Worries can be so consuming we often lose interest in ourselves but being unhealthy makes it much harder to view worry rationally. Eating a high fat, sugar and salt diet, low in nutrition can increase your anxiety even if there isn’t anything to worry about. Alcohol and caffeine can over stimulate your system, making it difficult to switch off and if you think smoking calms your nerves, forget it. You are16 times more likely to suffer from panic attacks.
THINK – Our body needs relaxation to restore and rejuvenate but relaxing is hard if you are worried. Don’t leave your mind empty when you rest but fill it with positive thoughts, people and places you love even if they are fantasies. Pleasurable diversions boosts energy and gives your brain a worryless breathing space.